Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
