I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just gift wrapped bread.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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