Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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