my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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