He asked to "fluff my boner.."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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