oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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