Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
