if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
