I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
