She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
