Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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