my phone needs a breathalizer
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
