you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
