Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
