I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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