Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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