BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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