if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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