oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
As shirtless as possible
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
