She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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