The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
