were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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