id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
