mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
