That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
