If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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