I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
