I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
