Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
