hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
