so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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