I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
