tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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