you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
