Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
