Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
