Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
