Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
