I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
