so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
