Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
