Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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