Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
