So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
