guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
