I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
