Im at strip club and am horny
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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