also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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