so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
