I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
