Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
