I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
