i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
