Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
