I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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