Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
