birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
